Shelley Duncan Is My Homeboy...

Apparently Chuck Norris has a son he never knew about. Shelley Duncan, 1st Baseman and Designated Enforcer of the New York Yankees slid into second base during a spring training game between the aforementioned Yankees and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Or is it just Rays now?
It doesn't matter.
There is some bad blood between the two teams since the Yankees lost a catching prospect to a broken wrist that resulted from a lovely head on collision in the ninth inning of a meaningless spring training game.
Apparently the Rays, otherwise known as the American League East Doormats for most of their existence, took exception to Duncan's response.
He sent them a memo, they must have missed it.
So the Rays are ticked off. And they are undoubtedly planning some sort of revenge worthy of a James Bond bad guy.
"Do you expect me to slide?"
"No Mister Duncan, I expect you to die..."
Ever since they hired Joe Maddon (he's really working those trendy glasses by the way...) as manager those pesky Rays have gotten more aggressive.
No, I don't mean like they try harder or run the bases faster or pitch better (although they are doing some of that).
They take out second basemen hard and bean batters after home runs, that sort of thing.
The whole brouhaha with the Bronx Bombers is not the first time the flat fish have bumped uglies with another team. Lawd knows I hate saying anything nice about them boys from Beantown, but ask the Red Sox how many times they've had to clear the benches with the boys by the bay.
Now, of course, the Tampa Bay media is playing this whole thing out like "poor, poor Rays getting picked on by the big bad Yankees... "
Sure, just like they were being picked on the last couple of years by the Red Sox.
Kiss my smurf.
Look, they may be a poor franchise but instead of raising their collective testosterone levels how about increasing the talent level? The way sport heads wax on about how "poor" they are you would think they were playing barefoot on pebble strewn dirt clumps in the middle of the Okeechobee swamp with balled up duct tape for balls and driftwood for bats.
Get over it flat fish, you guys just have a cheap owner.
At least the Marlins taste nice with some Lemon and a nice Chianti.
You guys murdered the Crocodile Hunter.
Ya happy now?
Thanks to you, children all over the world are sad 'cuz you nitwits buried your sharpie in Captain Crickey's chest.
It's official.
I no longer feel sorry for the Rays.
And I am glad that Yanks are growing a pair...
A pair of what?
I shouldn't have to explain that one.
Pick something that looks good in pairs and grows.
Use your imagination.
For years (one of the few bad marks in Joe Torre's notebook) the Yankees were "above" retaliating against other teams when their players were on the bad end of a slide or a 95 mile an hour fast ball to their head.
Hopefully that will change now with Girardi.
Personally, I would prefer it if he goes all Don Corleone on the rest of the American League.
Quiet, understated menace. That's how you do it.
Let people know in no uncertain terms that open season is over.
I want to see the Yanks get that fire in the belly.
They're the smurfing Yankees!
Come on.
Play ball.
Oh yeah... one more thing. Shelley Duncan is the new Chuck Norris.
Just throwing that out there.