Perusing the random awesomeness that is twitter I saw a Tweet by @lisah about 100 facts. That reminded me of something I had written way back in the day. I'm talking 2006 people! So here is a repost of that list for you to laugh at while I contemplate 100 new things I've learned since then.
100 things I have learned as a guy:
100. Never hug a dog when it’s eating. You end up with stitches.
99. Girls can make you cry without kicking you in the jimmy.
98. If the milk smells bad don't drink it.
97. It's really funny when someone pees out of the window unless you’re standing under it.
96. Cats almost always land on their feet, but they really don't like falling off 4 story buildings...
95. ...especially when they are unlucky enough to do it more than once.
94. You can throw a rock in New York City and always hit a pizza joint...
93. ... and it will probably be really good pizza.
92. Yes, yellow snow does exist. No, don’t eat it..
91. If you throw glass bottles at subway trains, the conductor get pissed off.
90. You can survive Freshman Friday in High School if you pretend you are still in middle school.
89. You can die in a water balloon fight if you are playing on the roof.
88. Horseshoe crabs freak me out.
87. Chasing girls between wiffle ball games during summer vacation is great…
86. … kissing them is even better.
85. Fire hydrants can make a passable water park in Brooklyn in August.
84. It’s never a good idea to try and stamp out a lit jumping jack while wearing bell bottom jeans.
83. Butter will only sooth a burn on your calf for a little while, then it hurts like hell.
82. Never try and crush a bottle with thin soles shoes. You will end up bleeding.
81. An M-80 will not launch a 5 gallon paint bucket into the air. It will just blow it up.
80. A milk crate makes a passable basketball rim.
79. If you wrap tape on a broken wiffleball, you can keep playing with it.
78. Plan your escape route BEFORE you start playing stickball and break a window.
77. It’s never a good idea to try and sneak into the subway with a Transit Cop watching you.
76. You can see the fireworks just great from the roof of a tenement in Brooklyn.
75. Cherry flavored lip gloss tastes great, especially when it’s on girls lips.
74. When you are in the pool in the summer, it’s okay to kiss her first and THEN learn her name.
73. Beware the hard boiled eggs in an egg fight.
72. Super Techmo Bowl can be used to settle disputes.
71. If the neighborhood weirdo offers you money to see something in his apartment, don’t go.
70. A 40 oz. bottle of beer is a really stupid thing to die over.
69. Killing someone for a gold chain is just as stupid.
68. Junkyards are great places to play until someone breaks a leg on an engine block.
67. G.I. Joe men can be repaired with a small screwdriver and a rubber band.
66. White Castle cheeseburgers are awesome when you are 10.
65. They call them sliders for a reason.
64. Riding in the front car of a subways train is really cool if you can look through the window of the front door.
63. The rats in the subway are usually bigger than dogs.
62. And meaner.
61. Yankee Stadium is worth the trip.
60. Dave Winfield looks ginormous to a 14 year old kid.
59. If you are in the upper deck at Shea Stadium, Dwight Gooden looks like an ant.
58. 10 on 1 is not a fair fight.
57. 20 on 1 isn’t either, especially if they have a gun.
56. Getting kicked by an angry mob isn’t as much fun as it sounds.
55. Falling off a diving board onto concrete really hurts.
54. Sometimes when you say you will do it tomorrow, tomorrow never comes for you.
53. If your name ends up as graffiti on the wall and you didn’t do it, you’re probably dead. Or you pissed someone off real bad.
52. Riding down a hill with your friend on the handlebars is just asking for trouble.
51. I wasn’t so smooth with the ladies in the 6th grade.
50. If the wind is just right, you can get a paper airplane to soar for at least 3 city blocks.
49. The first time you see a girls boobs, you are changed forever.
48. When playing football in the street watch out for street signs, fire hydrants and parked cars.
47. The swelling almost always goes away.
46. You should really wait to shave until you have something to actually shave.
45. If it’s poking through the skin, you should probably get a Doctor to look at it.
44. No, you won’t go blind and your palms won’t get hairy.
43. The lady two floors down in the apartment across the courtyard liked to sleep topless.
42. You can only get by on an hours sleep for so long before it catches up with you.
41. Playing inside of an abandoned building will lead to unscheduled visits to the hospital.
40. Tetanus is not the Latin word for boobs and a needle is always involved.
39. A garbage bag filled with water and dropped from the roof can break windshields.
38. There comes a point in time when girls stop being icky.
37. An erection in science class in the seventh grade is very embarrassing.
36. Getting hit in the crotch with a snowball will make your eyes water.
35. You can get used to the sound of gunfire.
34. White Castle cheeseburgers are still awesome when you are 20.
33. The first time you touch a boob, you won’t believe you are actually touching it.
32. It is always a good idea to ask before touching.
31. You won’t know what she’d say unless you ask.
30. The first time you get some, you can run the four miles home and wake up your best friend at 2 am to tell him the good news and he won’t be pissed.
29. You weren’t as good as you though you were.
28. You really don’t care how good you were the first time because you got some.
27. If a friend asks you to smell his finger, don’t.
26. There is a reason your Mom tells you to always wear clean underwear.
25. Cockroaches are not an endangered species. Terminate at will.
24. If a girl compares you to her current beau, she probably likes you.
23. If she compares you to the ex that cheated on her and stole her rent money, she doesn’t.
22. It’s not always a bad thing if they call out someone else’s name in the middle of it.
21. A woman can’t be a friend with benefits for long without changing the rules.
20. A guy can be a friend with benefits for eternity and a day.
19. When they don’t feel the same way you do, it’s hurt like hell.
18. It’s a good idea for guys to cry when no one sees you.
17. The sun almost always comes up the next day.
16. Yes, they are real and they're spectacular!
15. Make up sex is good.
14. Angry sex is better.
13. Revenge sex is empty.
12. A kiss can last forever if it’s done right.
11. You know when it’s real.
10. It’s better to be a fun drunk than an angry one.
9. You will eventually say something you regret.
8. It’s cold in New York in January.
7. They don’t shrink so much as beat a hasty retreat into your abdomen.
6. Women really like it when you get them there first.
5. Foreplay is good.
4. Numbers and sex mentioned in the same sentence usually result in something interesting.
3. Once they are born, you are never the same again.
2. That’s not as bad as it sounds.
1. You can learn something new every day.