20 Stupid Questions to ask a Guy...

As I tried to figure out where to park my brain for an hour while writings today's entry, I got to surfing. Nothing quite like the random nonsense on Google to keep you in idle, is there?
No. I submit that there is not.
I thought to myself, "Self... maybe we need to do another one of those stupid surveys or something."
And then Self was all like, "Nah. We did that already. Come up with something new."
And then I was like, "New? Have you seen the recycled garbage coming out of Hollywood these days man? There is nothing new under the sun."
Myself had to admit that I had a point.
"So what do you suggest?"
I suggested a game of twenty questions.
And so I pointed myself to some goofy Chick website where they give you questions to ask a guy. (Attraction-college.com - for women!) Random questions to ask a guy on a date when the conversation stalls.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha....
And women believe that?
I don't date. My wife said I can't anymore on account of her being the boss of me. Which is cool. I was never really good at it in the first place. Quite frankly, I am amazed that she puts up with my random goofiness.
Anyway, I thought to myself, "Self. What say we take a crack at some of those Questions?"
Self said sure.
And that's how I got here.

20 Good Lame Questions To Ask A Guy (but only if you want him to never ask you out again...):

20. Who would you like to trade your life with and why?
Uhm. No one I can think of at the moment. I am rather fond of the other parental unit and the younglings we have procreated are pretty darn entertaining most days.

19. Would you want to be famous? For what?
Yes. For curing cancer or ending world hunger or maybe figuring out an easy way to put all that toothpaste I accidentally squeezed from the tube back in. But I would settle for anything except maybe putting the Clone in a hot air balloon shaped like a flying saucer and letting him fly across the country.

18. If you suddenly found yourself turned into a woman, how would you spend your day?
Well that depends. Would it be that time of the month? Am I a pretty woman? Is it beach weather and can I get away with wearing a bikini? Ah, who am I kidding? I'd stay home and well.. investigate the equipment.

17. Would you rather be smart and ugly or dumb and hot?
I think I would rather be writing a different entry right about now. Who's idea to answer these inane questions was this? Oh yeah. Mine. Is there a third category? Like so-so looking and not-the brightest bulb on the tree? Because that would totally be me.

16. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
Heh. My fourteen year old self wants to answer X-Ray vision but I think the ability to fly would be the correct answer. As long as I could fly really fast. If I can only fly slowly then I am changing my answer to Mister Fantastic. He can stretch himself. Yeah. That's why the ladies call him Mister Fantastic.

15. If you could have dinner with any 3 people from any time, fictional or non-fictional, who would they be and why?
Moe, Larry and Curly. Because it would be freaking hilarious. Or Chico, Harpo and Groucho because I am comfortable rolling old school.

14. What's something you couldn't live without and why?
Baseball. Because life without baseball is what they have in Russia. And that my friends is no picnic. I don't care how much Vodka you drink.

13. If you could meet someone famous, who would it be?
Captain Kirk. Wait. No. Superman. Wait. No. Uhm... I may need a minute for this one.

12. What's your happiest childhood memory?
1979. I got an X-Wing fighter for my birthday. Best. Toy. Ever.

11.What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
I kissed a girl without asking permission. I was fifteen and for that one second before my forehead hit hers and she choked on her gum, I was cool.

10. What's the best compliment you've ever gotten?
Uhm... "Way to walk that one off.." Or it might have been "Hey, that haircut doesn't totally suck..." Hard to pick really. Call it a toss up.

9. What's your favorite thing about yourself?
Pft. Easy. I am left handed. How freaking cool is that? Of course, statistically I will live a shorter life span than a right handed person (and will most likely die because I used something designed for right handed people incorrectly). But that's okay. I know my life will end up being much more satisfying.

8. What would be your favorite guilty pleasure?
Not really sure. I don't spend all day long thinking about this sort of thing like some genders I could mention but whom shall remain nameless... but if I had to say,odds are it's going to involve chocolate at some point.

7. Where's your ultimate vacation destination?
The Death Star. Or Fiji. Depends on the time of year I get to go. If Rebels are in season, it's definitely the Death Star.

6. What movie do you watch again and again?
That one with the hero guy and the damsel in distress and the large explosions. Yeah. Awesome movie.

5. What day would you love to live again?
And now for the requisite "awww" moment. There are three days I could live over and over again. I have three kids. Guess which days I'm talking about?

4. What was your favorite Halloween costume and why?
Damn. This one is going to cost me cool guy points but this one year the Clone and I dressed up as Jedi. Awesome costumes, complete with certified Geek lightsabers. He was roughly the size of Yoda at the time.
It was good times with candy.

3. If you could be invisible, where would you go and what would you do?
Well I am married so that would eliminate all four hundred and thirteen scenarios I had when I was like fifteen so I think I would like to slip into one of those Congressional Back Door deal making things where they sell out the American People for cash and then I'd pretend I was their conscience and then tell them to punch the guy next to them in the groin.

2. If your life were turned into a movie, what actor would play you?
See. This is a good question. Who is directing? Am I a ninja in this movie? Do I have really cool gadgets or cars? Those are important you know. I would have to say I think Benicio Del Torro would be great but with my luck I would end up with George Lopez doing a really bad Puerto Rican Accent.

1. What made you laugh the hardest in your entire life?
Ah. Perfect moment to reflect on the fact that I am a guy and I can enjoy really, really, really stupid movies. That being said, Dumb and Dumber. The scene after Jim Carrey's character dumps a whole can of Super Colon Blow or whatever laxative it was into Jeff Daniels character and he has to run to the bathroom before his date. Gross? Oh yes. Very. Toilet humor? Damned straight. Funny enough to make me shoot coke from my nose? Yes. OMG, yes.

So. Feel better now that you know the real in depth me? No? Really? But they were deep and introspective. Oh. Wait. I get it.
Sure, take the easy route and blame the answers.